Back to depression.

Connection… depression….

I woke up on Sunday morning with a feeling of hurt inside me. I thought to myself “It’s going to be one of those days.” People will ask me “how do you get through it?” and i always ask them how they get through it because they are still here. Honestly i will cry on and off all day perhaps for a few days and i know my worth. i know i am very blessed; both my parents are still alive, i have two sweethearts that have given me a strong meaning to keep going. i have a huge family and amazing friends.

Why are YOU depressed? …. well after a lot of doctor visits and research about depression, i have been diagnosed with PDD (persistent depressive disorder) which is a Chemical imbalance in the brain (other causes contribute to pdd but this is mine) and i may never recover. This can be hereditary which means if either one of your parents have it; it may be carried onto the child. I have been dealing with my depression since i was 16 or so and tried many different medications.

i was on so much medication because i had the hardest time sleeping and staying asleep. i had loss of appetite, high blood pressure and unexplained weight gain (25 to be exact). I was tired, grumpy and feeling sick because the sleeping meds made me feel hungover.

I decided to smoke weed and guess what?

i can sleep a full nights sleep without disruption, my blood pressure is fine and i dont need sleeping meds anymore. i also feel a lot more relaxed instead of always having panic attacks from overthinking. it has helped me stay calm when i started to feel a panic attack coming on and helps me sleep so i am not such a hard person to be around. i only take 2 pills for my panic disorder and before i was taking up to 8 or 9 pills a day.

people are going to say things like “YOUR A BAD PERSON.”  ASK anyone i know, i was strongly against it before i decided to try it but once i started realizing it can benefit me. i was desperate to because i hated my sleeping meds that didn’t work for me, but made me gain weight and feel sick. the ones who will look down on me are the ones who are close minded and just don’t know enough. Like everything good there are some down sides but its my way of sleeping and i can still function properly. i’m not going to run away from my kids or harm another human while feeling a buzz on weed. Come on really?

since i have gotten sleep, i have been feeling great and happy and my depression isn’t as horrible as it used to be. i would feel angry, sad and hopeless and tired but now i can get through the day when im feeling depressed.

i am not promoting to smoke it but i have people tell me how i am a lack of influence because of my “influence”. I dont write for anyone. i write because i love it and it makes me feel confident, regardless of what anyone says. I love myself and i know my worth but that doesn’t make me conceited; i do not believe i am better than anyone, i look at everyone as = unless i have been given a reason without word of mouths but by experience.

i want to tell all of you who are suffering with depression to know that; you dont need a reason to be depressed, so dont create a fight or find a reason. i blamed everyone and thought about something that maybe made me upset for a moment because i really didn’t know what to say. it’s okay to express that you dont know why you feel sad. depression doesn’t care about your age or race or gender; depression can bother anyone.

those who are with a loved one struggling with depression; Don’t take it personal. the only thing you can really do is hug and let them know they are in a safe place and it’s going to be okay. listen to them but don’t tell them what to do. Give them all the power for the moments because you’re trying to build them up. Please be patient with someone who is depressed, we aren’t lazy its just hard to get motivated sometimes but i promise you, i will return your help. PATIENCE!! 

please dont shut anyone out but please dont use depression as something to help you GAIN attention. depression hurts and i would not want anyone to feel depressed because it sucks.

If you are depressed, become friends with your condition because of you hate it, it will keep you still so learn about your depression and imagine its a baby. learn together on how to cope with each other and work with your depression so you know how to have more control over your feelings.





One Reply to “Back to depression.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *