I don’t feel I know what I am doing and I am scared as hell.
Since April I have been planning to stop taking my medication (venlafaxine 225mg) and I started to dig for research about it and try to find something to help me get through the withdrawal symptoms. If you are on or have been on Effexor then you know what I am talking about when I say, “brain zaps.” If you forgot to refill your prescription or just forgot and left it at the house, it’s really an awful feeling.
I started to think about a time when I forgot to refill my prescription so I suffered through Sunday and refilled on a Monday but after that I was extremely depressed. I cried about remembering my past so clearly and realized I needed more help than I expected. Maybe I wasn’t as strong as I thought I was and that’s okay because each time we fall we get back up and than it changes us into stronger people. We may not look different so much on the outside and not everyone can see it.
I really don’t want to remember the last 5 weeks because it was hard. i cried and begged for it to just be over already, i was extremely hungry and dizzy. i was extremely nauseated for 5 weeks. nothing helped with the brain zaps or nausea but i managed to take vitamins and drink lots of water and juices. I am 100% sure that i do not want to be on prescription drugs nor do i ever want to withdraw again like that ever ever ever again. i know this is so easily to read but it hasn’t been easy to write. i want to scream at the top of my lungs because its been about 23 days and i am completely off of venlafaxine. the still have light brain zaps but i feel amazing. i actually did it.
i would tell my mom and cry and say “I can’t do this anymore!!! i can’t do this, i am going to die!” but i did it and i aint going back. i will continue on and working with myself. i believe i am the most important in my life because i can’t help or take care of anyone if i can’t take care of me. if i am not well no one around me will be happy and happiness is my main goal because sometimes happiness is hard for me to achieve.